Letting...

Damn't I'm high strung. Can't come down from this obessiveness. I want to relax and go with the flow, but I'm fighting it still. I can feel fate laughing at me cruely. Haha. Fuck you fate!!! Fuck you!!! I need winter break to come and release me from the tension. My home life, school, friends..Deadlines, homework's due, tests...What I really want to do is lay down and absorb myself in my books or my lover's warm embrace and whisper my heart's poetry in his ear. I want poetry, I want words, I want peace...I don't want to live here anymore. The problems between my mother and I have been increasing steadily. She told me with as much contempt as she could muster that she hated me, and the very sight of me sickens her. I always thought she saw my father in me, and that's why she never liked me so. I'm so much like him that I believe that's the reason I can't get close to her, or maybe it's the fucking way she talks to me. How she can break down my resistence with a few chosen words, but she doesn't have me beat. I'll make it out. Six months left behind these cold brick walls, behind closed doors, and I'll be out for good. But first, I need to learn to not let my stress take over and let it be the only thing I think about.