Poly me more than one

As I'm sitting here, I might be losing the one man I know I should be with. I've been living my life and not writing. I don't even know where to begin. There's been so much going on. The older guy left last night and I went over my ex and slept with him again. I wanted to be held. I wanted to be loved. I wanted to be comforted. The other guy did not do that the night he left. We spent the whole day together, and I enjoyed his company since the night he came over. Not exactly. I had a favorite uncle die and he came over moping about his ex lover and how he did her wrong. He said he didn't want to hurt me. He involved me in this non relationship, and I've grown to care for him so much. He can't just push me away like he's trying to do. I'm tired. Maybe I'll write more later.