Dear Leo,

I'm ready to give up, call it quits, throw in the fucking towel. It shouldn't be this hard. All I want is to laugh with you, to sit with you, to enjoy your company...but you also make that an impossible feat sometimes. It feels like you've been avoiding me. When I finally told you how I felt, you said you were tired and can we do this later?...three days later...and we still haven't talked about shit. Do you want me in your life? Because I'm about an inch away from walking. You're burning the bridge you could have remained using to walk over the dangerous currents.

I feel like I'm being put last in your life. Primary my ass... You've had the title as long as you've wanted it. I am not something you pick up when you get bored and want to play with. We're in a relationship, on the eve of our official six month anniversary and two year anniversary of knowing each other, and I've never been so put off. You've put me through so much, and I can't just put all the blame on you either, because I know I put you through some stuff with J whom I still love. I told you to get use to it, and you had to cope. But that's in the past, and I wanted a long future with you.

I wanted you to be my number one and let me be yours. I still feel like I'm something to be ashamed of once in a while. We aren't communicating anymore like we use to. I don't know what's going on with you and your life or your job. Don't think I don't know about you and Marissa, and how you two still have feelings for each other, and you're getting over that,but I feel like a little nerve in the back of your brain...something you try to forget once in a while and come back to. You leave long enough, and I'm gone. You had your chance to be with someone special. Someone who is just as scared of the things you're scared of, believe in the same things that you do....and we've spent enough got damn time, drama, and heartache to get to where we are now, but I refuse to allow myself to feel this way. I can't keep doing the back and forth thing like Marissa. I'm not Marissa...I'll never be her...and if you can't accept or acknowledge me the way that I want to be acknowledge like I deserve, then I'm leaving. You don't have to worry about chasing me or calling me, or whatever, because I'll be gone...You won't have to end up like "those other guys" a ghost of the past...you'll just be gone indefinitely from my life. I don't need the drama or heartache, especially at this time in my life when I'm still trying to make something of myself. You should want me to be happy...and more importantly...you should want to be happy with me. If you don't want that, if you don't want to be with me like you said you would, then you say it as soon as possible so I can get over you and move on with my life. I don't have time to wait around for you. I love you, but I love me more. I need to take care of me. Move over if you can't help me do that.

Sincerely,

Heart Broken in Chicago