I suffer from AW

Attention whorishness....yep...that's what it is.. I think I haven't gotten enough affection...and then I get all cranky and depressed. So during my major slump, the girl I have a big crush on and this guy I sort of liked came over. He kept hugging me, and even came from behind and hugged me and held me close to him. I thought I'd melt. That's what I wanted so much. They both came over here playing DDR in my dorm room, and it felt so got damn magical. I felt like I had been saved.

I had a hard day at work. I didn't feel inspired, and couldn't write a single thing for the article that's due next week. Not a single thing. So instead of being in the office, wasting my life away, I decided to go to the theatre company early and do some work. I rearranged a few words and listened to some music for inspiration, but then I was staring at a screen of words I'd wrote and couldn't decipher them. By then, it was time for the meeting with funders. So since most of the cast of the play is in school, and had other commitments, I'm force to reaudition for the part I had all summer. The director told me that sixty people are auditioning for my role. It made me more depressed on top of my already hefty decline from happy land. But she assured me that I had a leg up and that I was talented, etc etc....then just give me my damn role....I was born to play that role..and I know all of the lines....-_-' Anywho. So after that I came home in the dreary rain, holes in my shoes, socks soaked, and in a foul temper, I cam back to my dorm ready to just crash and burn....

Those two saved me. That girl and the guy. I craved attention, and they gave it to me. So I'm alot happier then earlier today. A lot happier. But I've been thinking about this older guy I've been seeing, and he's a total ass, but I love the challenge, and I think he's into me too, but I'm tired of our non relationship...and fucking around with the ex...I want someone I can be with. I'm tired of being fluid/free spirited....I do have more options...but now I'm looking for an anchor to steady the ship and not let it go off and hit an iceberg.