I feel like shit.
I feel ugly, unwanted, and just blah. Why the hell can't I find someone who's 100% available that I honestly want. Am I just attracted to the unavailable types? I fucked around with the ex again, and I'm considering doing it again just for the fucking attention. I'm sick as fuck, and lonely. No one has talked to me lately. I have to call them and strike up a conversation. What the fuck is up with that? I feel like a got damn simpleton. What the hell am I good for? Today overall wasn't a good day. I like my Composition II writing class and Gay and Lesbian Studies class...it's interesting...but I'm not...I'm a got damn bore.
I'd like to fancy myself as a modern day renaissance woman, but I'm a fucking poser. Argh..I do realize I'm just coming down on myself a little too harshly, but bah...sometimes I really do feel this way...damn you scorpio moon...damn you...
Work at the magazine tomorrow...I'm quitting...by the first of October so I can focus on school and an on campus job/acting career....I'll miss it dearly...that was like my other family, my life line...but I have to move on and do what I got to do. Right after the magazine job, I have to go to the theatre company and discuss the play we're putting on for the tenth anniversary of Matthew Shepard's Death, The Laramie Project and other gigs for next week....will I ever have a life of my own to just relax? Probably not. Do I want it that way? Probably not. But I would like to know that I can call some fucking body and they would be there to pick up my fucking phone calls and to spoon all night if that's what the fuck I want to do.
Sincerely,
Unloved in Chicago.
2 comments:
I hate spooning. Caitlin tries to get me to do that to her all night.
Hell. No.
Then she won't roll around a give me a kiss if I want one. Probably because of some ass-hole comment or tone I left her before I went to bed, like "Turn off the light". She acts obediently while wearing a fuck you expression. "Yeah, I'll do it, even though you are passing right by it."
She says,
"I love you" (???? tone)
and I say
"...I love you.to." (whatever tone)
I am lonely in bunches even though I have someone around all the time. I guess it's part of life.
Just go masterbate, life doesn't get better.
XD hahaha
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