Rock Star

Today was an amazing day that went wrong. It was raining and I sat over my best friend Chyna's house downloading music while she took a shower. We had decided to go over Josh's, the rock star's house. I bought a guitar from her. It's mine now and I'm setting out to learn the chords and things. I remember when I had a guitar, it broke after a particularly violent fight with my brother. This one I'm naming Eon Sky. No gender. Just my new baby. I'm particularly fond of it now, and it's not going anywhere.
Josh's house was magical, the whole affect of it made me dizzy and his white x-mas lights hanging on the wall seemed to wink down on me, welcoming me into his domain. It was a small room with big things, and hardly no room to move in. His walls, well most of them were covered with posters from different bands, including a giant Kurt Cobain poster on one side of the wall. He has twenty gigabytes of music on his computer and that isn't even all of it. He played songs from Sonic Youth, Tiger Army, and various other bands. The moment we got there, Chyna and I took over the bed. We set around, joking and Josh played Eon Sky. Then it was Josh and Chyna's idea to get some good booze. I said no. They said..

"Come on" "Live a little".

It took all of my willpower to keep saying no. Peer pressures a bitch. They got the liquor, and Josh was an expert at it, and he lighted a cigarette after his drink. Chyna on the other hand, got tipsy really fast...and then full on out drunk. It was funny for a while seeing her acting all woozy and saying weird things. This girl had never really drunk anything, and tried drinking on very disconnected times in her life. I remember, more music, feeling sleepy. I felt like I was absorbing the mood in the room. I only remembered faintly that I was hungry, after only having a bag of chips and a pop this morning.

It got a bit crazy, soon all of us were laying in the same bed. Chyna was being aggressive, thoughts of her boyfriend, far from her memory. It was fun, all a joke. more music. I felt woozy. Then I could tell that it was starting to wear off. She had two shots, and it was a couple of hours ago since she had drunk. The music. Daft Punk started up and Chyna began dancing. She's hypnotic, had Josh's and my attention. She made it sexual...it wasn't suppose to be like that. We were having fun, joking...music...and she started dancing on him. It was hot. I felt aware. Too hot. She made it sexual. I didn't want to be apart of it. He left the room to light a cigarette and calm himself down, Chyna went with him. I packed. Looked around for my things, Eon Sky. They came back, not holding, but I had an idea of what might've happened out there. They asked me to stay
. Chyna with her guilt trip.."You always leave me"

Josh.."I hardly ever see you, just chill, and I already said I'd take you home".

Me..."No I'm a big girl, I can go home by myself, I wanted to see if my friend was online, I haven't talked to him in a while, I just want to go home. No I'm not mad".

Chyna..."If Robert asked you to stay you would".

Me..."Yeah.. I probably would stay".

Josh..."I'm just like Robert, I want you to stay so you should listen to me".

Me..."You're not Robert".

Josh..."What's the difference? He's gay and I'm not"...

Me inside my head.."He is so much like him, his eyes, everything, it's just too much"

I left, not looking back, in the rain, by myself. Thinking..it wasn't suppose to be like this. I told him I'd call. He kept trying to look me in the eye and read me.. I let him look...you know what the secret to being a good liar is?

You have to believe in the lie, even if just a little and no one will know what's the truth if you will it so.